Read with Fern

Spoilers Beyond This Point

“What comes first, the photograph or the memory?”

Others were Emeralds, Lang Leav

The first half of this book focuses on Ai, her friend group at school, and their high school experiences. There’s Ai and her best friend Brigitte, Aysum, Nadine, and Sying. The five girls are friends to varying degrees, with Sying most often being the odd one out. As always happens in a friend group with an uneven number, Sying spends most of her time trying to force her way into the inner circle of the other girls’ lives, which leads to tension within the group. However, for the most part, the four girls seem to be pretty patient with her.

Ai has started dating a boy named Bowie, and they spend a lot of time together outside of school, often with Brigitte and Bowie’s best friend, Tin. The slight twist to this is that Brigittie and Bowie had previously dated for a couple of weeks, before Ai became friends with Brigitte. This leads to some tension and insecurity for Ai over time, but both Bowie and Brigitte assure her that there’s nothing going on between them.

“‘I’m so disappointed in all of you, but especially you, Ai. There’s so much hatred being directed our way right now, and you’re happy to sit back and do nothing? Just be frogs in a pot like our parents were back in Cambodia?’”

Others were Emeralds, Lang Leav

As their final year of school continues, Sying becomes an outspoken advocate against the racism that the Asian community is facing in Australia. The girls are all from Asian immigrant families, and are all impacted in a variety of ways, but Sying is the only one being extremely vocal about it. She often reproaches the others for not standing up for themselves and their community. 

In their final year at school, each student has to do a project. Brigitte decides to do a photography project that profiles the many different immigrants in their community. Sying gets very mad at Brigitte, claiming she has stolen Sying’s cause. Brigitte offers to share the project, but Sying is clearly not happy with the offer. Sying eventually reports Brigitte to a teacher, claiming she’s being a bully.

This whole section of the book feels so true to the experiences I had in high school. The back and forth between friends to keep everyone happy, and the fights about things that seemed huge at the time, but were insignificant weeks later. Ai spends a lot of time mulling over interactions, which adds to the feeling of reading a diary.

“This is the part in the story where someone I love would only appear again in flashbacks.”

Others were Emeralds, Lang Leav

The small high school squabbles end abruptly. Ai, Brigitte, Bowie, and Tin have plans to go to the lake one day. At the last minute, they bring Sying along as well. As the group is hanging out at the lake, the three girls are approached by two white men who begin to harass them. Brigitte and Ai try to quickly walk away, but Sying takes a stand against the men, yelling at them. The two men then start verbally and physically assaulting the girls, and it takes them several minutes to escape. The girls immediately return to the boys, and everyone seems to calm down.

Later, Brigitte, Bowie, and Tin take Jet Skis out on the lake. The two men from earlier recognize Brigitte and also go out on two Jet Skis. They attempt to get close enough to her to harass her again, but Bowie and Tin try to intervene. The altercation ends with Bowie and Brigitte killed in a collision from the Jet Skis. 

The entire scene is over so quickly that it feels like a shock. The parents start showing up, and the three surviving kids are quickly taken home. Each kid is still in shock, processing everything they experienced, and it takes months before they interact again.

“Sometimes I feel like you’re the last person left in the entire world.”

Others were Emeralds, Lang Leav

The summer between high school ending and college starting, Ai and Tin reconnect, and begin spending all their free time together. They talk through the deaths of Brigitte and Bowie and their memories of their friends. During this time, Tin reveals that Brigitte’s mom has actually taken in his little sister and Tin himself. Brigitte and Bowie had already known this plan was in the works before their death, and both had been helping. He also tells Ai that Brigitte’s mom is planning on moving to another city at the end of the summer. With Ai already accepted at a college, they agree to keep in contact. They spend the rest of the summer in a bittersweet romance.

Ai goes to college and falls into depression. By the second year, her school, her parents and her brother have noticed, and she ends up leaving the school and moving back home. She starts working in the fashion field and starts to make a name for herself. She does reconnect with Sying at one point, and like most high school friendships, the conversation reveals why the friendship did not last. Sying admits that she will always blame herself for aggravating the situation when the men harassed them, causing Brigitte’s and Bowie’s deaths. She then admits that she was purposefully starting rumors about Bowie and Brigitte that she knew would reach Ai. She apologizes for everything, and Ai forgives her. The book ends with Ai calling Tin for the first time in two years, and Tin answering.

I really enjoyed reading this book, and would truly recommend it to anyone. It portrays a specific high school and college experience in a way that’s relatable to anyone. Leav’s writing is so immersive and descriptive that you feel like you’re truly experiencing it in the moment. And this leads to immense heartbreak and hope as you read that  will resonate with you long after you finish the book.